How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Randomize
