Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
