You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
