you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
