when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
