at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Church boner. Awkwardddd
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
