Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize