Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
