ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
