what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
