Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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