I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
