Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
My first STD was from a foam party
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
