I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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