idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
