As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
