so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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