I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
