i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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