I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
