I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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