Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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