why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
