are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
