Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
