She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
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