My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
