"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
