lets start a swedish sibling band together
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
being pregnant is like rehab
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
