im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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