her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
