before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize