That's when you crack a 10am beer
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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