It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize