Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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