My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
