Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
