margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
