Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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