You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You pole danced in your parka.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
