Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
