Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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