i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
