Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
