He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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