Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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