K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize