He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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