there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
This house was built for laser tag.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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