Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
