At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
