Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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