Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
