Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
