a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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