great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
