You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
