Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
