if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
