she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
