This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize