What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
