The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
