Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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