im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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