Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
