her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
