11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
