I CAN MOONWALK!
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
