census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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