what if every blade of grass was a penis?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We just shotgunned beers for America
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
