peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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