I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
