It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
