I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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