thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize