just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
