your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
