apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize