Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
then he tried to convert me to islam
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
