i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
We named our party play list daddy issues
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
