i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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