just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
