I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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