wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
