I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Sponge bath it is.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
