Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
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