Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
