Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
