Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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