Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
