When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
