they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize