Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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