hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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