yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
