hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
