I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
so that wasnt chicken after all
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
