I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
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