Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
