Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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