Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
